Okay, I’ve spent the last hour looking through this year’s Oscar Nominees in the acting and directing categories and doing Google Image searches to see who might be candidates for my effort to get someone to arrive to the event by bike.
Yes, that means I just spent an hour, on the clock, looking at celebrities. Some people would say that means I have the most awesome job in the world. I, however, feel as though I’m being paid to pick my nose.
I try not to be a smug cyclist, but in my disdain for celebrity worship in our culture, oh yes, I can feel quite uppity. And this… this exercise makes me feel dirty. In my bike-friendly workplace, one thing we don’t have is a shower.
If I could wave a magic wand over a non-cycling, celebrity-addicted person, and get them to either start cycling, or stop caring about celebrities — but not both — I honestly don’t know which I’d choose.
I have issues. I own it. On with it.
As if to prove the stereotype that the only reasons people would ride bikes for transportation are that they (a) got a DUI, (b) are insane, or (c) both, I found Nick Nolte (sigh) on a recumbent.
Now this is more like it. If Michelle Williams were to arrive at the Oscars on a classic 70’s three-speed with a banana seat, there would be a stampede the next day to every pawn shop in the country, and anyone with one of these bikes in their garage would be uploading images to eBay within hours. (And sullying myself with celebrity culture would all have been worth it.)
Here’s George Clooney, who would make a fine ambassador for the mainstreaming of bike commuting — provided he does not arrive on a mountain bike while wearing basketball attire.
Finally, I found Brad Pitt with Angelina Jolie with their kids Maddox and Zahara. (The bike child trailer experts with whom I work believe that is a Burley trailer they are pulling.)
My original appeal to entertainers included this illustration of the Pitt-Jolie entourage:
Making me feel as though I’ve been on the right track all along.
Those are all of the photos of nominees I was able to find without spending more of my employers time. I am not necessarily fixated on having a nominee arrive at the Oscars on a bike, but the list of nominees gave me a manageable list from which to work.
If you’d like to pick up where I left off — and waste your employers money — here are links to the Google Image searches I used for every nominee:
- Woody Allen (Midnight in Paris)
- Berenice Bejo (The Artist)
- Demian Bichir (A Better Life)
- Kenneth Branagh (My Week With Marilyn)
- Jessica Chastain (The Help)
- George Clooney (The Descendants)
- Glenn Close (Albert Nobbs)
- Viola Davis (The Help)
- Jean Dujardin (The Artist)
- Michel Hazanavicius (The Artist)
- Jonah Hill (Moneyball)
- Terrence Malick (Tree of Life)
- Rooney Mara (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo)
- Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids)
- Janet McTeer (Albert Nobbs)
- Nick Nolte (Warrior)
- Gary Oldman (Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy)
- Alexander Payne (The Descendants)
- Brad Pitt (Moneyball)
- Christopher Plummer (Beginners)
- Martin Scorsese (Hugo)
- Octavia Spencer (The Help)
- Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady)
- Max von Sydow (Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close)
- Michelle Williams (My Week With Marilyn)
Let me know what you find.